If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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