I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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