I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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