Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I love black thongs
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
