i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
