At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
