he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
