I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
