so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize