I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
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I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
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Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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