I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
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sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
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That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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