dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
