You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
