i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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