Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
