You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
