i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
worst night to have a conscience
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
