Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
