wat bout pragnant strippers??
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Actions speak louder than pants.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
