We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
