Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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