and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
