I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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