Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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