When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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