Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
