My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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