It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
