the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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