I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
