farters have to be the big spoon...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
