tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
