oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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