I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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