I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
