When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
