Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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