Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
