I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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