They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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