I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
