i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
