So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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