You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
