Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Michael Bay diarrhea
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
