i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
