my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You took a bar mat shot.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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