dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
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