oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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