a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
