Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
