Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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