i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
