Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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