Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
