My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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