...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
