dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
