I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
