You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
fuck your aforementioned shoe
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
