I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
