laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
