i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
