Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
