Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
