Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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