Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
