Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
