If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
zippers are such a cool invention
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I am one with the molecules
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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