How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
