***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
