Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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