My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
