I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
