i don't like sucking hair
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
